The urban legend of “being forever”

I am 33. And all my friends are around that age, 30-45. At the end we didn’t manage to define the new reality about relationships or to skip all those conversations we were bored about. The most bizarre thing is that, so many times we hunger to be involved in exactly those conversations that previously was giving us yawns or driving us crazy. The most beloved themes? The human erotic relationships. Or being more precise the long-term relationships. The marriages. The sexual arouse. The libido. The sexual variety. The cheating.

Especially that last one. “There isn’t such an abnormal and irregular demand in the modern society from the sexual exclusivity and monogamy” The above was said by my 38 year old wedded with the “woman of his dreams” friend, (obviously the anonymity is going to be maintained in this article, especially after the whispering shouts ‘I think you are crazy, that you want to mention my name!!! Do you want me to divorce?’  that I received in cafes and restaurants).

Somebody else was more straight forward to his opinion saying “Even if you are able to eat the best meal each day, you definitely need a change even that includes junk food”. And all these usually expect to be said male thoughts. Because of, all this theory made about their DNA and their intense sexual desire comparing to women and so on.

As I was getting advantage, once more, as a source for my articles, my friends and acquaintances, I realized that, the only thing that was changed over generations is that lately women has got the same problem with men meaning that they are as well bored of “eating the same food every day”. Suddenly, the “being forever”, as a vow for eternal love became a threat.

A 34year old woman, when someone was blessing her to get married, she was knocking on wood. Also, a fresh mum when discussing with her husband, his possibility of cheating on her, the only thing she announced to him was “Get protection” like he was going to travel on a third world country.  Another woman much younger than the others, in her late 20s, was going to be wedded, and she placed an age-related limit to infidelity, saying that is acceptable and vital for both after 50s.

In our majority, all, men and women, we invoked the men nature for the infidelity. A just married, 40 years old new feminist, with Louboutin, declared to me that ¶”The male libido constitutes a very dangerous and in future likely splitting force of social structures”. Half an hour later and after she had three vodkas she revealed to me with complaint: ¶”So what’s the plan? In order for him to keep his pants on I have to do him three-four times per week, after I return at home at midnight exhausted from work? So no. I refuse to be oppressed. If he can’t control his lust he is free to hook up with another woman. Although the lawyers will arrange the rest, and I will take everything but the kitchen sink from him.” Does that make sense? “Look if we are having sex three times per month I‘ll call it a good month”. That is what was spitted out two days later from the mouth of my 37 year old male friend who used to be nicknamed as a “player”. He is together with his wife 8 years and wedded the last two.

The conversations with people are long and the outcome pretty much the same. The news about marriage is not that optimistic any more. Research is also here to support that. A new study that came on the spot showed that the 85.7% of adolescent Greeks admit that marriages are on crisis and an 82% believes that a wedding could not improve their life. The sexual revolution of 70s that canceled the hypocrisy of the old fashioned stereotypes and dreamed of a society that anyone can have multiple partners in open relationships based on love, respect and understanding, away from the torturing emotions of possession, jealousy put her basic foundations. Added to that was the feminine professional esteem that was achieved at the same decade. Dr Papathanasiou, Z., a professor in Gynecology and manager of the Greek Institute for Sexuality, confirms that “The changes that occurred nowadays, derived from the women part. They took the jobs from men, gained social status and so in the last decade tend to be the leaders in the sexual intimacy”.  Something like the John Lennon, Yoko Ono relationship status.  The sexologist Mr. Askitis signs that “Nowadays the youth people grow up with the emotion of displeasure about marriage. They observe their parental marriages drowned and are left without any positive images. The Modern Greek society concerning relationships and sexuality comes a cross a contradictory period, where the old crushes with the new. We actually are facing a thunderous revolution which is now on its climax”.

So, the result is that we speak about the finale of the traditional weddings or it’s the ending of the marital status in general? Is it the time for persuaded singles to celebrate or not? Mr. Askitis pulls the plug and states that “the tradition it’s so strong that still carries on influencing the society, men need to feel that they are sheltered and comfy, the women need to support their fertility urge and to cover their emotional necessity, even though, and I repeat that, young people don’t feel like a wedding will improve or be a plus in their lives”.

Due to the fact that many couples prefer these days to just live together for years, without getting married, the Living-Together contract can give a solution to all of those, that they deny to walk on the aisle.  “”I would definitely sign it “a fiend of mine replied, “but my father will definitely respond and so ‘where I will give a toast, into the layers office?’”  A solution to that could be the thought to wait till a child comes to life and if that’s the case, then you get the whole package, family and marriage together. Most men and women recently totally agree with that.

Yes but still all this does not bring a solution to the problem. For example to get married later on, do not give you any guarantees about the future. Nor it will assure you that you won’t get bored, or you won’t get into the temptation of cheating in order to feel “revitalized” (and if you believe it or not this was spitted out by a male mouth) And now what? “Oh!! Come on, we are over analyzing it. At the end you tie the knot, and if doesn’t work or you have enough, you split-up”. That is the opinion of a 35 year old layer. Statistics come along to prove what he stated. Recently the fact is that marriages increased but the divorces where over multiplied.

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